A New Threat
by shokai
Summary: What the hell is that thing? Renji, Kira, and Matsumoto scratch their heads. Who knows. Kill first, ask questions later. Rated for some language.


A/N: These characters aren't mine to love and to hold. Too bad.

…….

Three invisible people stood huddled around the small fountain in the park, staring intently into the water. There were two men: one with fiery red hair and intricate body art, the other with long blond hair and sleepy eyes, and one beautiful well-endowed woman. Around them, children played on seesaws and merry-go-rounds with other children, and parents sat on colorful red benches, watching their kids with content smiles, oblivious to the dark-clothed, solemn trio who were in the middle of some serious contemplation.

Lieutenant Abarai Renji scratched the back of his head in utter befuddlement.

"I don't know about you two," he finally said, "but I say we definitely found our target."

"It almost doesn't seem alive, does it?" remarked Matsumoto Rangiku, taking a step back from the fountain, eyes never leaving it.

"Well, whatever it is, we should proceed with caution," warned a soft-spoken Kira Izuru, the third member of their team. "It may not seem like much, but Captain Hitsugaya did say that this new threat was a tricky one and not at all what it seems. We shouldn't underestimate it."

"Aa. Well, I guess there's no helping it," Renji replied. He carefully moved closer to the water.

"Not too close, Renji," Matsumoto hissed.

Renji hunkered down and placed a hand cautiously onto the cold stone of the fountain, his other hand on the hilt of his zanpaktou, watching for any sudden movements from the odd creature that was floating in the still waters. He was aware that both Kira and Matsumoto had also placed their hands on their zanpaktous, ready to strike the thing down if it decided to stop playing dumb and fling itself at their red-haired companion.

Holding his breath, Renji took a closer look at the creature in question. It was small and round, not much larger than his hand. It was completely black, with fur covering its entire body. Sizing it up in seconds, he found nothing remarkable about it: no arms, no legs, no neck or noticeable ears or other facial features. Heck, he didn't even know which end was the front and which was the rear.

Oh, well, he thought. No matter what it looked like, soul society considered it a threat, so his job consisted of just one thing. Search and destroy, but first…

"Oi! You. Whatever you are," he called out, standing back up and unsheathing his sword. "We are shinigami sent from soul society to deal with you. Who are you and what is your purpose?"

There was no response from the creature in the water. Not even a twitch of movement.

Matsumoto and Kira pulled theirs swords as well and fell in behind Renji. Renji snorted.

"He's a cocky one, isn't he?" he remarked.

"Maybe it can't talk," said Kira with a frown. Holding his zanpaktou with both hands in front of him, he circled over to Renji's left, expertly covering his comrade. "I mean, did you see a mouth?"

"I think I better call into soul society," said Matsumoto. "I think we're going to need further instructions on this one. Besides, there are too many people here. We don't want to cause a commotion and end up with casualties."

She punched into her communicator, trying to reach her captain, Hitsugaya. The phone rang and rang and suddenly fell dead. "Crap!"

"What happened?" Renji called out, giving her a glance while keeping his sword pointed toward the fountain. Matsumoto gave a sheepish look.

"Um, my phone ran out of batteries."

"What??" the men exclaimed.

"Did either of you bring one by chance?" she asked hopefully, but that hope was quickly doused when the others hung their heads.

"All right, then. I guess we have no choice but to take matters into our own hands," Renji said with a new resolve, turning his attention back to the thing in the water.

"Great. That never turns out well," Kira replied with a touch of worry.

"Shut up, what do you know?" Renji said, defensively. "Look. So far, the thing hasn't made a move. Either it's sleeping or it's overconfident. If it's the first, then we have the element of surprise. If it's the second, well then that just pisses me off, and I say we kill his furry ass…wherever it is."

"Well, whatever we decide to do, we should first do something about this crowd," Matsumoto said, looking around herself.

"Just leave it to me," Renji said, sheathing his sword. He turned to his blond friend. "Kira, keep an eye on that chatty fella." With that, he ran over to a nearby seesaw that was currently unoccupied, and jumped onto the center of it, balancing himself with his feet spread and arms wide.

"Poltergeist time!" he cried, knowing full well no one would hear or see him. He started shifting his weight from side to side, making it appear as if the seesaw was moving on its own. As he predicted, it quickly caught the attention of the children around him. However, instead of running in terror like he anticipated, they gathered around in apparent delight.

"Wow! Cool! It's moving on its own!"

"What's making it do that?"

"Maybe it's a ghost?"

Suffice to say, Renji was annoyed. "It_ is_ a ghost, you little brats! What's the matter with you? You're supposed to run away in fear, not go making friends with it."

Suddenly, two little boys grabbed onto the ends of the apparatus, bringing its motion to an abrupt stop. Taken by surprise, Renji lost his balance and fell face first into the sand which, of course, no one noticed except for his comrades. Kira sighed and shook his head, and Matsumoto covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. The children were unaware of the fallen shinigami and were busy trying to figure out how to make the magic seesaw move again. Renji twitched in the sand and started to shake. His face turned red and veins popped out as he raised himself up on his hands and knees.

"That's it!" he growled. "No more Casper!" All subtleties cast aside, he started flinging sand furiously at the children who, finally getting the point, started taking off screaming toward their parents, who in turn found themselves being targeted as well by God-knows-what and followed their children's example, none brave enough to stay behind and investigate. The grounds were cleared in less than thirty seconds flat. Renji continued screaming like a madman, and although he was still heard by no one, it sure made him feel better.

Matsumoto and Kira stared wide-eyed at the spectacle before them.

"That was smooth," Matsumoto said. "Well, at least he cleared the place out. It's up to us now." The two remaining shinigami turned back towards the silent creature who, unbelievably, still hadn't budged an inch even after all that racket.

Renji came sprinting back.

"Status?" he asked, slightly out of breath. Kira shook his head.

"No change."

"That does it! I'm not screwing around any more." Renji pulled his sword. "Oi, you! Bedtime's over, fuzz ball. Here I come!" With that, he rushed the fountain and swung his mighty zanpaktou down into the water. Matsumoto and Kira blinked, but quickly followed suit and jumped in after him.

Water splashed all over the place. There were sounds of struggling and yelling.

"Shit, it's too cramped to fight in here!"

"Where did it go? I don't see it!"

"Abarai! You're stepping on my foot!"

"I can't see anything!"

Suddenly, there was a scream.

"It's got me!" Matsumoto yelled, kicking at the water, a black blob stuck to her leg. Renji gave a war cry and launched himself at his female comrade, aiming for the creature but taking the woman down in his wake. Giving a very unladylike grunt, Matsumoto toppled backwards into the water, and Kira splashed his way over to help when the creature flew off of the woman's leg and got stuck on his face.

Crying out in alarm, he flailed about and tripped over someone's leg, fighting to keep his balance, failing miserably, and plummeting into the water as well, beaten. Giving a snarl of fury, Renji jumped his way over to the latest victim and seized the unexpectedly formidable opponent with his bare hand, cringing in revulsion at the sick, slimy feel of it.

That sent him over the edge. Not only was the tiny creature conceited, ugly, and powerful. It was disgusting as well.

Fire blazed in Renji's eyes as he flung the foul beast into the air, everything else around him fading away from his vision. In his mind, time seemed to slow down, and as the thing started falling back down to earth, Renji seized his zanpaktou with both hands and with a thunderous cry, gave a mighty swing, like a baseball player slamming a fast ball, slicing the enemy clean right through the middle. The two halves flew and landed in the grass next to some trees and was still.

Silence descended upon the little playground. Renji took a few deep breaths to slow his heart down and turned towards the fountain. Kira and Matsumoto was pulling themselves up from the water, soaking wet, but otherwise appearing unhurt.

"Everyone okay?" Renji asked.

They nodded. "Good going, Abarai," Kira said. "That was a close one."

Matsumoto sighed, wringing the water out of her hair and fixing her shinigami robes so she wouldn't be exposed.

"Ugh, I hate being wet while wearing clothes. It's such a hassle. If I have to be wet, I'd rather be naked."

The men had no reply to that.

Renji sheathed his sword.

"Well, I say a job well done is in order for us," he said, stretching his neck and rolling his shoulders. "Let's call it a day and go back and get rewarded for our fine skills." The others cocked their heads in agreement and prepared to go.

However, just as they started to leave, a man who looked remarkably like Madarame Ikkaku, the third seat of Division Eleven, came running into the park, muttering in anger.

"Stupid kids, always causing problems," he was saying, as he ran to and fro from one end of the playground to the other. He seemed to be frantically looking for something. Then, seemingly catching something out of the corner of his eye, he started, and ran over to a tree, eyes as wide as saucers.

"Aaaaah! My five hundred dollar toupee! That was my best hairpiece! I'm going to KILL those kids!" the Ikkaku look-alike cried, even sounding like the hot-tempered third seat officer. With that, he grabbed the two pieces of his destroyed property and, whining, ran off.

Silence fell over the playground for the second time.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Renji cleared his throat.

"Uh, let's not mention this to anyone," he said quietly.

"Not a word," Kira replied.

"Never happened," Matsumoto added.

"Right."

Renji grabbed his zanpaktou again.

"Let's go hunt our target now."

* * *

Fin

Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading! A writer is nothing without readers. )


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